You’re doing all the right things.  You’re returning client calls on time, and the engagement is humming along brilliantly right?

So you think.  It’s not like clients always spell everything out to you.  And whoever said “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”  was brilliantly short-sighted in this regard.  This stuff can cost you business baby.

So, without further ado, here are the

Top 50 Reasons Your Clients Secretly Hate Your Guts (read ‘em and weep)

50. You get them on the phone and ramble on about your greatness
49. You use techno-babble speak
48. You bill them at weird times of the month
47. You haven’t asked them how they’re doing in two years
46. You haven’t done a profile or Case Study on them
45. You talk to them like they’re children
44. You revise deadlines in the wrong direction
43. You overcomplicate everything
42. You oversimplify everything
41. You kiss their asses (a tad bit too much)
40.You do too many “just keeping you in the loops”
39. You don’t keep them in the loop enough
38. You act like a company and not a person
37. You make it difficult for them to reach you
36. You take too much for granted
35. You haven’t become a part of their community
34. You haven’t taught them anything along the way
33. You haven’t connected them with anyone else in their field
32. You’re a salesman and they can tell
31. You’re boring
30. You “create value” (Not a typo)
29. You’re inflexible
28. You overdress
27. You use Power Point for presentations
26. You’re rigid in informal settings (Happy Hour doesn’t mean one hour)
25. You’re too laid back in business settings
24. You haven’t provided a medium for them to brag
23. You pick apart their recommendations
22. You were much more enthusiastic in the beginning (and you know this)
21. You don’t smile
20. You charge them for every little thing
19. You haven’t let them get to know you
18. You haven’t provided a way for them to track their investment with you
17. You under-deliver like a champ
16. You’re a bullshitter
15. Your swag sucks
14. You bitch about other companies or clients
13. You don’t give them first dibs at new stuff
12. You under charge (Not a typo either)
11. You don’t tell their story
10. You put process before people
09. You take all the credit
08. You pass the buck
07. You’re not curious about their business
06. You write overly formal emails
05. You send out html newslettery crap
04. You waste their time
03. You get flustered
02. You add more work to their day in order to manage you

And the number one reason why your clients secretly hate you:

01. You meet expectations.

That’s right, you get the job done.  And that’s all.  You don’t give your clients a reason to say “Man, I can’t believe you pulled this off for us.  It’s freaking awesome!”  But hey, you still got the job done, so the client can’t really be mad.

Any idea how frustrating that is?

Unless you inject some “freaking awesome!” into your process with each and every client you’ve failed.  Do something that your client loves enough to talk about you around their dinner table at home.  Make that happen and you’re part of the family forever.

At least then, if they still hate you they’ll let you know.

So did I miss anything?   Comment and let me know.  If you’re super-cool, re-tweet this article, you may just save your friends some pain.

Motivating Your Employees to Give a *&%$ About Your Business

So I’m at Shoppers Supermarket today getting ready to send some cash by MoneyGram (Works just like Western Union but it’s a gazillion times cheaper).

I know what you’re thinking already.  Who the hell still sends money using Western Union or Money Gram when we have the Paypals of the world?

Well I had to send cash off to my nephew in Barbados and Paypal hasn’t gotten around to making it easy to receive money in some foreign countries.   So for $9.99 and the gas to get there, MoneyGram does the trick.

Anywhooo, I walked up to the clerk and asked for a pen so I could start filling out the paperwork.

No response.  Maybe she didn’t hear me.  I asked again.

Only then I realized that she’s on her cell-phone chatting away.  It’s cool, I’ll wait.  Another two minutes into her conversation she figures out that I needed a pen and hands me one without even looking in my direction.

Okay, this is shaping up to be what I like to call “Customer Service In Reverse!”

I finished up the paperwork and handed it to the clerk.  She did her thing, printed out the receipt for me to sign and took my cash while still on the phone and having uttered only 2 phrases to me so far: “$9.99” and “Sign this!”

I still haven’t figured out how she knew for sure I was there because she still hadn’t looked in my direction.  I guess service isn’t what it used to be here!

At The Check-Out Register 2 Minutes Later

At least that’s over with.  I grabbed a few things from the supermarket (You know my life wouldn’t be complete without Twizzlers and Red bull) and headed to the register.

“Hey, how’s it going? Thanks for stopping by Shoppers today.”  This was before I was even next in line.  The checkout guy was joking, and just a really pleasant and cool guy.  I mean, almost to a fault.

I literally said to myself that I wished I could hire him for my business.  Same company, two extremely different set of experiences.

Have Your Business Tell One Story and One Story Only

Customers create a mental image of their shopping experience with you in story form.  Tell a negative story and that’s what your clients will take away.  Tell conflicting stories and your client will seize on the one that most aligns with their pre-conceived notions about your company or companies in your vertical.

I don’t know those two employees personally, but I can say that today, one of them cared a lot more than the other one about their company.  Two vastly different stories.  Not a good thing.

The secret to having a more uniformed customer service experience is to have more motivated employees.  Simple.  Not easy, but simple.

So What Motivates Employees

Fun! The experience your customer has is a direct reflection of how your employee feels about your company.  An employee that’s having a great time at work feels more connected to the brand, and is more likely to treat your customers like royalty.

What type of fun are we talking about?

The type of Fun that has your employees talking for days after the event.  The type of Fun that employees post pictures of on their Facebook pages. The type of Fun that makes employees of other companies wish they worked for you.

Come up with these types of experiences for your employees and you’ll have far more of the Check-out register guys than not.   Better yet, have your employees come up with fun ideas themselves and listen to them.  You might be surprised at what happens.

Are you down?   Click here to subscribe to IttyGrow so you won’t miss any of my brilliance.  There are going to be 19 more articles in this series on how to motivate your employees.  If you’re super-cool, re-tweet this and follow this blog on facebook.

How to Double Your Business This Year Without Whoring Yourself Out.

And without using any shady tactics, promises you can’t deliver on, or a single thing you feel uncomfortable with.

What’s the difference between small business marketing plans that struggle to get new clients every month and businesses that damn near have more clients than they can handle?  Why do some businesses have to trade in their dignity for new customers, while others practically create new clients on demand?

It’s surely not some magical secret that’s just a few inches out of your reach.  And it’s most certainly not some brilliant campaign that will lead you to the oasis that is Oprah’s couch.  (If you somehow made it on Oprah, you’re most likely already filthy rich and there’s nothing I can do for you.  Quit reading now!)

If you’re still here, grab a cup of coffee, turn off the tv, and pay close attention to what you’re about to read.  In a few minutes, you can start tapping into the not-so-secret “secrets” to explosive business growth.

Ready? Let’s go.

Fact: Consistent business growth can be sourced to five proven factors that transform “nervous” business owners into creative and resourceful leaders who grow their businesses into the six and seven figures – These factors create an Olympic size pool of clients that can be drawn from again and again.  All without “hard selling” or groveling for clients.

Factors that create willing buyers before you make a single cold call or put a flyer in the mail.

Seriously, Your Business Should Sell Itself For You …

Not the Other Way Around.  Unfortunately, most folks have this backwards.  We’re going to change this today.

How Folks Make the Buying Decision

Let’s say I told you that I was a great singer and you’re going to absolutely love my music.  I want you to buy my album, “The Flying Havana Banana”, out next month. (Don’t steal my album name…you never know!)

Would you head to Best Buy, debit card in hand to cop my album?  Probably Not!

I would have to clear a much higher hurdle to get you to part with your $15.99, right?

Now, what if your favorite artist were releasing his/her new album next month?  An entire different situation.  Eminem/Nickelback/Jay Z/Mariah Carey/whomever.  You don’t have to be “sold” on buying their album.  Your decision to buy is made in a split second. Sure, there are a few tv appearances and radio teasers, but the album pretty much sells itself if you are a fan.

Well, the goal is to get your business in this position. To get fans.  To pre-sell  your clients on your services so that when the time comes, choosing your company is a no-brainer.  Marketing your small business would be a breeze.

You’ve probably been skimming like crazy so far.  That’s okay.  Slow down a bit as I lay out the

Five Steps To Explosive Business Growth This Year

Step One: Hang Out Where your clients hang out

Every day, your clients spend hundreds of hours hanging out online in some way or the other.  If you’re a hairdresser, you’ll find them on local blogs or hair care forums.   Whatever service you offer, there is a place where hundreds of your clients hang out.

Go there.   But no selling!

Your goal at this point is to figure out what your potential clients do NOT like.  What are their major complaints with other service providers in your field?  Then you incorporate solutions into your service offering.

Is the number one complaint tardy sales technicians? Well you become the “1 Hr Service technician.  We show up on time or your service is free!”

Do people complain most about long contracts?  You offer “No contracts. If you’re not satisfied, cancel anytime, even mid-month!”

You conduct your small business market research before you write a single word of sales content. This way you’ll discover:

• How much folks are willing to pay – and what factors get them to pay a premium price.
• What other service providers are doing poorly.
• Why your customers will buy from you and not the other guy
• Exactly how to communicate that winning difference.

Sounds like a lot of work? Actually, it only takes a few hours in front of the computer – to generate thousands of additional dollars for your small business.

Step Two: Build an Audience of Loyal Fans

Without an audience who knows, likes and trusts you, you’ll have to hustle for every new client.  Every single one!   You’ll be starting from zero to try to warm up customers to do business with you and your company.

It would be like asking a girl/guy to marry you the first time you meet.  Good luck!

No need to suffer like this when you can start building a fan base now by finding a way to maintain consistent communication with your audience.  There are several ways to leverage technology to do this, but my favorites are:

1)      A Blog.  They are perfect to create a buzz about your service.  There is no easier way to build credibility and to cement yourself as a thought leader and go-to-guy/girl for your service in your area.

2)      Facebook Pages.  Create a facebook page to profile your business.  All your clients can become fans of your page.  Then set up a newsfeed from your blog to your facebook page, so that your blog posts also show up on Facebook.

You’ll want to use these key strategies:

• Write content that lets your readers see you as an authority
• Get to know your audience through the interactions and feedback
• Write “guest posts” on related blogs to tap into their existing audiences

Your blog can tell you everything you need to know about your market and what they want. It lets you do market research, create content, and build a fan base — all in one step.

The blogging/facebook combo strategy allows you to level the playing field and allow you to increase your audience size as rapidly as you want to (if you make the right strategic moves).

Remember, if you want to make more sales this year.  You need more people to trust you at deeper levels.  By building deep relationships, you literally do LESS work and make MORE money.

Step Three: Compile an Email List of Folks That Love Your Business

Here is the hierarchy of the depth of relationship, with the potential for deeper relationships increasing as you go down the line:

1)      Website

2)      Blog

3)      Email

4)      Telephone

Developing an email relationship with clients is the next obvious step in cultivating fans for your business.  You can get immediate feedback from clients and test ideas before taking a marketing campaign to the masses.  Email is super effective for several reason:

• The act of signing up for your email is really a subconscious decision that says, “I want more from this person”
• Folks may not visit your website every day but they check their emails every day.
• Email lets your fans feel more closely connected with you. You can offer folks on your email list advanced coupons and special deals.

Folks that you email with on an ongoing basis are far more likely to respond if you manage your email subscribers effectively.  Don’t over-do emails though, your emails should be like a quick hello from a good friend, and not nagging junk mail.  There’s a thin line.

Step Four:  Launch a campaign to get the cash register ringing.

Okay, if you’ve gotten this far, you’re an animal!  You’re either serious about making 2009 the best year for your business , or you’re a sucker for punishment.

Either way…

After the steps I’ve laid out so far, you’re already way ahead of your competition.  You’ll have a laser-targeted focus on exactly what your clients want.  You’ll have a group of loyal evangelists that talk about you and your business to their online and offline friends.  And you’ll have a group of folks who have confirmed that they want more from you.

You could stop here and your small business internet marketing would be well-positioned.  But why leave any revenue unclaimed?  Here’s what you do:

Time for an Aggressive Small Business Marketing Plan.

By the time you’re done, you’ll have a steady stream of clients:

• First, hit up your email list to get an idea of the interest in your promotion.  You’ll know in no time if folks are interested.  Little interest? Find out what they would be more interested in and offer that.  Don’t fight the market.
• Second, create and publish a large set of content (blog posts,  videos, facebook invitations, articles, forum posts, craigslist ads) that addresses a provocative issue AND teaches your audience something valuable.
• Finally, you release an irresistible, limited-time / limited-quantity offer to your audience that positions your service as something they need, that they can only have before the offer expires.

In fact, this is a “back of the envelope” summary of how I’ve personally been able to generate over $97,000 in sales for myself and my clients using this plan.

Step Five:  Track Everything and Repeat.

At this point, you’re singing.  Service calls are up, and all is well.  Well, except for the fact that you’re not quite sure which calls are coming from your new marketing campaign and which calls you would have received from your regular course of business.

That’s where call tracking comes in.  Yup, I’m about to plug my small business marketing services, I’m warning ya.

So the solution. Call tracking.  Set up a separate number that rings directly to your current business phone, and use that number exclusively in your campaign.  Track everything.

When things have run their course, you can look back and see exactly how many calls you got, which pieces of your campaign were most successful, what your revenue per call was…everything!

All you do now is rinse and repeat.  That’s it. A tremendous growth in business and you get to keep your dignity. Who knew?

Shoot me an email if you have any nagging questions.