You’re doing all the right things.  You’re returning client calls on time, and the engagement is humming along brilliantly right?

So you think.  It’s not like clients always spell everything out to you.  And whoever said “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”  was brilliantly short-sighted in this regard.  This stuff can cost you business baby.

So, without further ado, here are the

Top 50 Reasons Your Clients Secretly Hate Your Guts (read ‘em and weep)

50. You get them on the phone and ramble on about your greatness
49. You use techno-babble speak
48. You bill them at weird times of the month
47. You haven’t asked them how they’re doing in two years
46. You haven’t done a profile or Case Study on them
45. You talk to them like they’re children
44. You revise deadlines in the wrong direction
43. You overcomplicate everything
42. You oversimplify everything
41. You kiss their asses (a tad bit too much)
40.You do too many “just keeping you in the loops”
39. You don’t keep them in the loop enough
38. You act like a company and not a person
37. You make it difficult for them to reach you
36. You take too much for granted
35. You haven’t become a part of their community
34. You haven’t taught them anything along the way
33. You haven’t connected them with anyone else in their field
32. You’re a salesman and they can tell
31. You’re boring
30. You “create value” (Not a typo)
29. You’re inflexible
28. You overdress
27. You use Power Point for presentations
26. You’re rigid in informal settings (Happy Hour doesn’t mean one hour)
25. You’re too laid back in business settings
24. You haven’t provided a medium for them to brag
23. You pick apart their recommendations
22. You were much more enthusiastic in the beginning (and you know this)
21. You don’t smile
20. You charge them for every little thing
19. You haven’t let them get to know you
18. You haven’t provided a way for them to track their investment with you
17. You under-deliver like a champ
16. You’re a bullshitter
15. Your swag sucks
14. You bitch about other companies or clients
13. You don’t give them first dibs at new stuff
12. You under charge (Not a typo either)
11. You don’t tell their story
10. You put process before people
09. You take all the credit
08. You pass the buck
07. You’re not curious about their business
06. You write overly formal emails
05. You send out html newslettery crap
04. You waste their time
03. You get flustered
02. You add more work to their day in order to manage you

And the number one reason why your clients secretly hate you:

01. You meet expectations.

That’s right, you get the job done.  And that’s all.  You don’t give your clients a reason to say “Man, I can’t believe you pulled this off for us.  It’s freaking awesome!”  But hey, you still got the job done, so the client can’t really be mad.

Any idea how frustrating that is?

Unless you inject some “freaking awesome!” into your process with each and every client you’ve failed.  Do something that your client loves enough to talk about you around their dinner table at home.  Make that happen and you’re part of the family forever.

At least then, if they still hate you they’ll let you know.

So did I miss anything?   Comment and let me know.  If you’re super-cool, re-tweet this article, you may just save your friends some pain.